Why Transvestites Shouldn't Take Rides
by Dutchman89
Summary: Why Transvestites Should-n't- Take Rides From Cows and/or Raptors! Eddie Izzard meets Rocky Horror, insanity ensues.


**Title: **Why Transvestites Should(n't) Take Rides From Cows and/or Raptors  
**Author:** Slashydutchie  
**Fandom: **CROSSOVER: Rocky Horror and Eddie Izzard  
**Pairing/character:** Frank N Furter, Eddie Izzard, others.  
**Rating:** FRT  
**Prompt:** A stranger showing up at Dr. Frank's castle  
**Kink:** gender play

**A/N: **Not so much kink as insanity going on... I'd explain it, but I really don't want to. Some bits may or may not be funny to you depending on your knowledge of the source material. But if you haven't watched the RHPS and everything by Eddie Izzard... then you should!  
**A/N2**: Reviews are extremely appreciated. Honored as I am every time I see a favorite story notification or similar, nothing quite compares to even a short message.

"Well, thanks chaps... good luck with the mini-series and all that," Eddie said as he got out of the car.

"Moo," stated Cow, followed by a grinning "Verybizzy." from Raptor.

"I am sure you will be." Eddie nodded, even though he had to tell the final bit to the cloud of dust Cow and Raptor's car left behind as they sped away at somewhere between three and a million miles an hour.

"Now, let's see, where am I?" the comedian asked nobody in particular as his blue eyes scanned his immediate surroundings. Ah, a roadsign in the middle of bloody nowhere, how convenient.

Forest of Death and Blood Campsite... no, that didn't sound to attractive.

Town of Bunnies and Chocolate. Eddie took a few careful steps in that direction. Ba-dun, Ba-dun... oh dear, no, that one had scary music.

Frankenstein Place. Well... change was as good as any. Besides, those howling wolves were getting pretty damn annoying.

Thus it was that Edward John Izzard began the longish journey to the so-called Frankenstein Place, carefully ignoring the music and only pausing once in the suddenly pouring rain when he broke a heel.

Back at the intersection one of the signs magically changed: Frankenstein Place (via Oh Damn It You Bloody Bastard Road)

Still, being a rather determined individual Eddie pressed through until he came at a gate that appeared to be rather big on the fuck-offness.

"Oh, bugger this," he mumbled before squeezing himself through the rather handy gap, tearing his dress in the process.

"If only I'd been in a more blokey phase this would have been a lot easier," Eddie sighed before limping his way to the very ominous doors and banging the heavy knocker against the wood. After a few long moments the door opened a little bit and a slightly malnourished face peeked through.

Riff Raff took about half a second to take in the sodden transvestite in front of him before swinging the door open.

"Yes... you'll fit right in," he said slowly, motioning for Eddie to come inside.

"Er... thank you. I think." Eddie offered the strange man a kind of halfsmile before entering. Now, that was some strange music... "Are you having a party?"

He hoped not. He was in no state. Shoe broken, dress torn, soaked to the bone and make-up probably in quite an appalling condition.

"It's one of the master's affairs." Now, that was... cryptic. Unless...

"Do you mean he's getting lucky?" Eddie asked pointedly, brow arching as he wondered just what he'd gotten himself into.

"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky!"

Eddie stared in astonishment as the previously hidden woman slid down the banister, laughing like a maniac. He briefly wondered whether he should point out that there was a difference between being lucky and getting lucky, but when the two domestics went into song his inherent should-get-the-fuck-out-of-here-ness took over and within seconds he found himself wandering the halls of the estate.

Did some crazy taxidermist live here? Badger, badger, badger with a gun, dog, really powerful dog, cat's got him in a headlock...

Suddenly a rather suave voice came from behind him.

"How d'you do I..."

Eddie whirled around to see a man in heavy make-up, high heels and a corset. He chose to ignore the fake pearl necklace for now, but did understand what the strange man at the door had meant by him fitting in.

A rather strange silence fell over the hall.

Finally, very slowly, Eddie asked: "You... what?"

This seemed to confuse the Hell out of the stranger. Clearly that wasn't the expected response.

"I er... I see you've met... oh, nevermind. I am doctor Frank N Furter, from Transsexual, Transylvania. And you are...?" A single eyebrow rose in question.

"Edward J Izzard, from Aden, Jemen." Well, it wasn't quite as sexy alliterating telling as the other man's introduction, but it was true. You could go on Wikipedia and look it up.

"Well, Edward J Izzard... your make-up's a mess. And that is a problem I can fix."


End file.
